Yesterday's donation

Every Wednesday, like clockwork, I give a tube of blood for them to test to see how the treatment is effecting my body.
Last week, my white & red counts were so low that my Liver Doctor cut my treatment dose in half in hopes that my blood counts would rise on their own without having to add additional treatments to keep them stable.
Not sure if half the treatment brings about half the results but the good thing is there was a BIG difference in the side effects! I ended up with a pretty good week.
Anyhow, yesterday I went in and, again, they sucked out another tube of blood, but not without missing a vein here and there and digging around for a second or two trying to get one to cooperate.
How ironic is this......We walk in the office & wait for our name to be called. Then we jump right up when our name is called, and anxiously walk right in the Lab to find ourselves sitting in their cold little plastic seats. We sit there as still as we can patiently while they push around on our arms & hands to try and find a vein - once they think they have found one - we then allow them to stick a needle in us, hopefully only once or twice, and let them remove our blood. We en-dour the anxiety, the chills, the sweats, the nausea, the pain and then......once it is over.......not only do we pay them for this; we also thank them!

Ok....so my test results from yesterday came over on fax machine just this moment and the news is better!! Cutting the dose in half did bring up my white blood count, from 1.7 last week to 2.1 (THANK GOD!) It is still low, but not as low.....normal ranges for your white blood count at this lab (yes, they all differ) is 4.0 - 10.5 - So raising it up .4 is a huge deal!!!!! My red blood cells are continuing to decline. So we will see what the doc has to say about that - he calls me every Cure Day.

Speaking of every "Cure Day"
One of my dearest friends, Lorie really tries to make my "Cure Day" more bearable. When I check my email on Thursday mornings there is always something in my inbox from her. It is always something that makes me smile....here are some examples of what she sends me:)

Today she sent me an e-card that said...
HAPPY CURE DAY!
1 Week closer!

Thank you Lorie - you help me so much to stay strong and move forward!

It is hubby's birthday!

Happy Birthday today to my amazing husband! Today he turns 47! I have had the honor of spending the past 14 of those years married to him! We have, together, shared so much! Tons of laughs and very few tears, we have shared stories, experiences, dreams, decisions, complications, business's, let downs, accomplishments.......so many things! We are so blessed for there is one thing we do not share.......the hepatitis C virus.
I have been fortunately blessed to have not shared this virus with ANY of my loved ones. I am so grateful to GOD for this blessing he has given me......and them!
I could not imagine what it would be like to watch someone I love have to en-dour treatment of this horrible disease. Just thinking about how my treatment might be affecting him and those around me brings about a completely different perspective for me.
Many times while on treatment you think to yourself.......why me? When am I going to get better? What side effects are going to complicate my world today? What if it doesn't work?
But this new perspective makes me realize this.....my loved ones are going through an enormous amount of grief as well...
As a Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend and Grandmother - I am always saying.....if I could save you the pain or discomfort; I would. In retrospect, it has always hurt me more to see the ones I love suffer than my own potential suffering. So now when I think of what I would do....how I would feel...what words I would say.... if it were someone else whom I care about going through this and I am dumbfounded. I have no idea HOW I could handle it.
Anyway..... I just want to thank those who love me and are continually supporting me through this and please know....I know it's not easy for you either.........

It's a beatiful day!

I love my mornings.....each morning or should I say once the daylight shines through the windows..... Jaxon, my grandson, wakes up and plays for a few minutes in his bed. He starts to talk louder and louder and eventually you will hear "Grandma" "Grandma" "I'm ready!"
I will go in his room and he is standing in his bed with his arms open wide and with a huge smile on his face he say's "It's a beautiful day!" He ALWAYS brings a smile to my face! He is my rock through this treatment....it is moments like these that keep me moving forward. Lord knows there are many moments that try to hold me back.
One of those "moments", if you will, is the struggle I am having with the doctors. I now have 3.
1. My Family doctor
2. My Liver doctor
3. My Psychologist - a must have with the side effects!!

All 3 seem to think I need to be on different medication for some of the different side effects.

I wish I could sit all three of them down in a room together so they can all be on the same page!

Ultimately here's what happens......
I see my 1. doc for a check-up, he asks how treatment is going. I tell him, he prescribes me a new medication and sets me up with doc 3. I meet with her the next day and she recommends a different prescription to doctor 1. - THEN she goes on vacation for 10 days. Doctor 1. has questions of doc 3, but can't ask her due to her trip but STILL has not returned my call inquiring about the medication he wanted to put me on. So here I sit on the meds that neither of them think is the right one. Now doc 2. wants to add medication to my current 9 pills a day, but may not need to if Doc 1 & 3 get on the same page. Until then.......here I sit.......dealing with the side effects. Trouble focusing, trouble concentrating, nausea (oh yeah...there's another pill for that!), headaches (and another one for that), fatigue, depression, confusion, FRUSTRATION!

The one thing I am sure of; the one thing I can count on to move me forward in my treatment today.....is that "it's a beautiful day!"

Where have I been?

I guess the best answer to that question is........in interferon land.

My sister called me yesterday and asked me "Lori, why haven't you been blogging for the past few weeks" I really didn't have a great answer to that question, I had many excuses running through my head; but no real answer. I told her that I really hadn't had much positive to say at the moment about treatment - she reminded me that treatment is not always positive and that my words of truth may someday help another searching for support and understanding......that was enough for me to start hitting the keys on the keyboard again!

I know my purpose in life is to make a positive impact on others and sometimes it's the truth about the obstacles in life and treatment that makes the most positive impact.

So here's the truth............

The last two weeks have been so challenging! The side effects are real, and yes - they happen to everyone. I thought in the beginning of treatment that I would be an exception - I have been a fighter, a survivor and over-achiever for many years, and really thought this experience would be no different - challenging? Yes - but nothing I couldn't handle. I thought the side effects everyone speaks of were all in people minds....and I had mind over matter!! My treatment was going to be different.....I was going to choose to be, as I always say, "Alive, Alert, Awake - Enthusiastic!" Hit it head on! Come out victorious! Be the exception to the rule!

Well, I was right in a way....my treatment is very different.....very different than I thought.....
I still to choose to be, as I always say, "Alive, Alert, Awake - Enthusiastic!" I am currently hitting it head on! I will come out victorious and be the exception to the rule! But I will have to deal with and do my best to overcome the very real and sometimes debilitating side effects.

I think the most difficult side effects are the fatigue and the results of that said fatigue.....depression and mood swings. No matter how much positivity I try to maintain - the true fact that everyone, who's red & white blood cells drop way below normal, will have fatigue and days of not feeling well or even wanting to get of bed. The true fact that eating a meal wears you completely out is not an easy realization for some one like me. But I have to face the fact that this it is my reality and it will be for a long time....BUT.....one day it will be over and I will be victorious! I must find the energy to continue this fight in spite of how I feel and remember that this too shall pass.
Here is a link to learn more on side effects

In the beginning I thought my body will adjust and treatment will get easier - the real truth is.....your body does not ever, nor is it supposed, to get "used to" Interferon or Ribaviron.

I know I have a long journey ahead of me but I have to maintain my belief that GOD has put me here for a reason....in this exact place at this exact time, for his own reasons and I must trust in HIM to show me the way through.