Heard this song........just seems to fit

'Stand Back Up
Go ahead and take your best shot,
Let 'er rip, give it all you've got,
I'm laid out on the floor, but I've been here before,
I may stumble, yeah I might fall,
Only human aren't we all?
I might lose my way, but hear me when i say,

I will stand back up,
You'll know just the moment when Ive have enough,
Sometimes im afraid, and i don't feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up,

I've been beaten up and bruised,
I've been kicked right off my shoes,
Been down on my knees more times than youd believe,
When the darkness tries to get me,
There's a light that just wont let me,
It might take my pride, and my tears may fill my eyes,
But I'll stand back up,

I've weathered all these storms,
But i just turn them into wind, so i can fly,
What don't kill you makes you stronger,
When I take my last breath,
That's when I'll just give up,

So, go ahead to take your best shot,
Let 'er rip, give it all you've got,
You might win this round but you cant keep me down,

'Cause I'll stand back up,
And you'll know just the moment when ive had enough,
Sometimes im afraid and I dont feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up,

Youll know just the moment when ive had enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid and I dont feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up.

LONG weekend..........................

This past weekend has really got me grasping for faith.............my head started to get cloudy - I am not able to carry on a conversation without trying to find the words to say what I want to say......I was also having some pressure in my chest so my doctor sent me to the ER.  My heart checked out good and the ER doctor seems to think the treatment is becoming too much. The scariest thing though was when they returned with my CT scan results.  I have had little nodules in my lung for about two years - they never grew or changed in any way (I get rechecks every 6 months) well they have now decided to grow and change in shape, and my lymph nodes have some rare changes happening.  They are referring me to an oncologist for further evaluation.  I swear if it's not one thing it is definitely another!   I am trying to stay positive and keep telling myself it will be ok...listening to the song posted in an earlier post.  But the truth is I AM SO TIRED OF BEING TIRED AND SO SICK OF BEING SICK!

In the double digits!!!

Almost hard to believe I have made it to the double digits!!  99 days left!

It helps me

This song is so inspiring....It's about love, but it resonates the perfect words and passion for me to try to get through treatment and to give me hope..........

Memory and medicine don't mix!

It is so odd how I can remember so much from before treatment.....seems like since I started, I forget things all the time! Events I have been to before - I could tell you all the details; now....they are so foggy. I am having trouble remembering who I have responded to in emails, what phone calls I have returned, who's order I need to deliver, What time my appointment is, which meds I have taken and on which days. I swear I would lose my head if it weren't attached!

A better day

Today is a better day physically, but emotionally I am still angry. I try to so hard to find the good in things and keep my faith strong.....but sometimes it is such a struggle. MANY times it is a struggle! Day by day......it's all I got. I know I am on the downhill slide, with only 16 weeks left but all I think about is that is 16 MORE weeks of pain, fatigue, hair loss, fevers, chills, hot spells, nausea, bone pain, confusion, memory problems, fatigue, and more fatigue! I know what I should be thinking is ONLY 16 more weeks! Then there will be no more of the side effects of treatment OR Hep C!!! I can finally live my life without that ball & chain! FREE of this virus! Unfortunately it's not that easy.........I try hard to make it look easy, I try hard to be strong, I try hard to be a support system for others in the same position. But the truth is....sometimes I feel so alone.

Sacrifice

The past 2 weeks have been so very hard.....
I do everything I can to try to stay positive and not give in......
Now 3 injections per week, 8 pills a day, Tylenol for the pain and even pills more for nausea. I feel like my own personal pharmacy and that is just the beginning.....

My hair falling out and the other side effects have really taken there toll this week - every day has hurt - either physically, emotionally, mentally or socially.

In the company I work with, we have a contest every year where we can earn an all expense paid trip to some exotic resort for a week in another country, for the past two years I have earned this trip for myself and my husband. Through everything I have endured with treatment, I still worked hard to earn that trip again this year even when I didn't feel like it and just wanted to crawl up in bed and cry all day.

Through all the hard work of myself and my team I did managed to earn the trip this year, however, due to my blood counts - I can't go! I hate this disease! I hate this treatment! Now, everyday, I get so mad at myself.... even though I know it is out of my control. I never though my treatment would compromise and consume so much of my life.

My grandson comes over almost everyday......I try to play with him and not let him see how I feel, but even that is so exhausting. I hate that he has to suffer too.
I just want it to be over! I have 16 more excruciating weeks left......please keep me in your prayers.

Nothing is really ever what we expect it to be.