Sacrifice

The past 2 weeks have been so very hard.....
I do everything I can to try to stay positive and not give in......
Now 3 injections per week, 8 pills a day, Tylenol for the pain and even pills more for nausea. I feel like my own personal pharmacy and that is just the beginning.....

My hair falling out and the other side effects have really taken there toll this week - every day has hurt - either physically, emotionally, mentally or socially.

In the company I work with, we have a contest every year where we can earn an all expense paid trip to some exotic resort for a week in another country, for the past two years I have earned this trip for myself and my husband. Through everything I have endured with treatment, I still worked hard to earn that trip again this year even when I didn't feel like it and just wanted to crawl up in bed and cry all day.

Through all the hard work of myself and my team I did managed to earn the trip this year, however, due to my blood counts - I can't go! I hate this disease! I hate this treatment! Now, everyday, I get so mad at myself.... even though I know it is out of my control. I never though my treatment would compromise and consume so much of my life.

My grandson comes over almost everyday......I try to play with him and not let him see how I feel, but even that is so exhausting. I hate that he has to suffer too.
I just want it to be over! I have 16 more excruciating weeks left......please keep me in your prayers.

Nothing is really ever what we expect it to be.