Holiday's

The holiday's were bitter sweet this year. The only time I really ever feel lonely is when I think about going through this treatment - even though I know others are going through it too, I still find myself feeling somewhat alone in this journey. I have tons of support with my friends and family but when it comes to "cure day", which has now been changed to Tuesdays, this feeling starts to linger in......
This Christmas brought about a similar feeling. This is the first Christmas ever that my children were not in their beds anxiously awaiting the arrival of "Santa". My daughter was out of state spending the holiday with her boyfriend and his family; and my son and grandson had just moved out of our home a month ago and they spent Christmas morning at his girlfriends mothers home.
So I was lost! Wondering aimlessly around the house......re-positioning the gifts under the tree....trying to keep myself busy and fight back the tears. Convincing myself that the emotional side effects of treatment are what was at play here.
About 3:00pm My son, grandson and my son's girlfriend finally showed up to open gifts and watch our traditional football game. It was a wonderful moment watching my 2 1/2 year old grandson patiently handing out all the stockings and gifts.....then going over to his pile and tearing apart all of his treasures! The look of excitement as he ripped through each package - he would hold up his gift and say "For me?!?!" and show each one to everyone there! Such joy! But there was still something missing.....my daughter. Still out of state and now stuck there due to weather. My heart was so full yet still breaking........ that feeling again it reminded me of my treatment; so bittersweet.....the virus is undetectable, however there is still 154 days left to endure the side effects. I am so greatful for the good days - I just wish there were more of them.