I went shopping!

The past few days have proven to be very challenging....it started with the worst blood test results EVER! My white blood cells have fallen down to next to nothing.....so it's time for a rescue drug called Neupogen. Neupogen is a drug that helps stimulate the WBC's in your body that fight infection. Here's a link if you want to read more about the drug. So it was prescribed. Now with the new year just passing and our RX insurance changing, I was so excited because our new RX plan has a max out of pocket of $75 per prescription. If you have ever priced the meds necessary for this type of treatment - you too would be ecstatic!
Here's an example....Dec 31st my Pegasys was almost $800 per month - now it is supposed to be $75!
Dec 31st the Neupogen would have been $1500 per month (yes these figures are MY COST after insurance) - now it is supposed to be, again, $75!
Well, I went to fill the script and my insurance said we were still on the old plan, that the system had not updated....ok so I waited another day.....still the same....another day goes by and they tell me "I am so sorry ma'am, but your coverage has expired"! I just dropped the phone and sat there...........all I could think of is how am I going to come up with $6,500 (approx cost of med with no insurance) for my medication this month......and then what about next month??? I still have 144 days to go?!?!?! What in the world am I going to do? I had no idea............
I decided to jump in the shower and let the hot water just beat down on me - this always makes me feel better - except that day..........I was calming down, clearing my mind, sorting things out and felt as if I was in a better place so I turned off the water, grabbed my towel and started towel drying my hair, like usual. This time was anything but "usual"....as I looked down on the floor of the shower - I saw them.....so many of them....I shook the towel just to make sure and there more fell.......I thought, not today - not now!
I knew coming into treatment that loosing my hair was a possibility and I thought I would really be ok with it....It will grow back....it's only temporary. But when I saw that much coming out all rationalization was gone....I was ready to quit treatment! I was ready to be done!
I came to the computer to post on here and I saw a comment on a previous post where my friend had posted " YOU MADE IT" all in caps! Then I knew I couldn't quit....I had to fight through and so I am!
The next day I stayed on the insurance and was able to fill the scripts at last years plan so instead of $6500 it was about $2200. They are still looking into the RX insurance and have assured me that if our plan was supposed to be the one where the max per prescription is $75 that I would be entitled to a partial reimbursement! YAY! And yes, more hair fell out.
So friday I went shopping! I started out by myself, wondering around Kohls trying to find a hat or scarf or something......but I couldn't make a decision. I still couldn't believe I was loosing my hair. My mom called to check on me, I swear I wondered aimlessly around Kohls for at least an hour, I told her I couldn't find anything.....she said to come get her and she would look with me :) I have NEVER been a hat girl but my mom finally convinced me to try one on......I left the store with 6 different hats! LOVE THEM! Thank you momma for your support! I love you!